“If you can’t fly, then run.
If you can’t run, then walk.
If you can’t walk, then crawl.
Today we will survive.”
Let’s start with the very bottom: flat ground.
You find yourself walking on a straight path, blearily (as it was 5 in the morning and you were basically in pitch black darkness without a torch).
Your feet meet some shallow steps. You walk up said steps, filled with slight excitement and hopeful anticipation.
You see the “Welcome” sign. Which left you wondering, “Wait. Didn’t that walk to this sign took 10 minutes already?.”
You pass the “Welcome” sign and notice the ropes along the sides of the trail.
Hold up…. there are safety ropes by the side of the trail?
At this moment was when you realised — you shouldn’t have overestimated your capability.
You also made a mental note to yourself to smack the person who said you didn’t need to be physically fit to take on hiking a goddamn hill.
It was a goddamn hill.
But you being you,
You braved a face, holding on for dear life on to the ropes — you climbed.
But as you were climbing, you understood that your mental strength was slowly failing you —
Panicked thoughts filled your head, the prospects of flinging yourself off the path slowly increased in the mess of your mind.
You couldn’t breathe. And this wasn’t because of the physical strain, mind you.
You start noticing hands of friends pulling you up and steadying you, while you still tried to brave a face as though this whole thing isn’t affecting you.
You then reach the first quarter
— this was when you chose to stop.
And I guess that’s fine, you knew your limits.
As you sat on that rock overlooking the view of the city, your mind started to calm down. The spiral of thoughts started disappearing.
But then enters the next intruding thought:
The fact you needed to get back down the hill the same way.
You froze.
And as you were making your way down, it started pouring. And all you could do was hold on.
You were too proud, you chose to brave it alone. Inside you were sweating: the whole way through you were reminding yourself not to give in to your panicked thoughts.
And you concluded it well. Well — with soaked clothes and mud on your behind.
With this anecdote, this was how I related it to the emotions we may go through during our anxiety (disclaimer: these emotions may be different from what others may be facing or similar):
- Bottom flat ground: this may sound like you fell backwards, but hey — we are talking about the ‘easy’ start. Feels good, doesn’t it?
- Walking on a straight path: You feel like you got yourself under control — things seem smooth.
- Anticipating hopefully: As things are going smoothly, we should be optimistic right? Maybe things will be different this time?
- A “welcome” sign: Getting ready to face your challenge head on!
- Ropes of the trail: See, I mean you’re not thrown into the sea with sharks or something — you’re not alone.
- Braved a face: I mean… you know you are struggling. Kinda? I mean. It is a little bit difficult.
- Panicked thoughts: You know for certain you screwed up. Really. Why oh why did you think you could face this challenge?
- Hands of friends: Your exterior screams that you’re weak, but your mind is hurling insults at you for letting yourself down.
- Braved a face: Why don’t you open up already? I know. It’s not as easy as the idea of it is.
- You stopped: I think we all have come to a point where we know our own limits. Sometimes, we can’t always overcome a mountain by ourselves, and Rome wasn’t built in a day.
- Sat down: Breathe. Just. Breathe.
- Mind starting to calm down: Clear your mind. It’s okay. Squeeze your stress ball or breathe into a paper bag. PULL. YOURSELF. TOGETHER.
- The idea of needing to go back down: I already know it’s going to be the same journey again. I. Cannot. Deal. With. This. But I know that if I don’t overcome this, I’ll be stuck here.
- Pouring rain: Ever heard of the saying how we go through storms in life? Overcome dear. Overcome.
- Holding on: Do not give in to your thoughts. I repeat. Do. Not.
- Braved, but alone this time: You got this. You got this. Keep going.
- Reminder to not give in to yourself: You will conquer, just like how you’ve conquered every other time.
Wherever and whatever you are going through, I am so proud of you for getting this far. Don’t give up!
Although pain is real, but so is hope.
