: delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing
I had many moments where I doubted happiness. I have doubted happiness the moment I started to feel it, I have doubted happiness during the event or thing or when I’m with the person that makes me happy, I have doubted happiness after the moment passes shortly by.
Happy to me, was sacred.
I was afraid to feel “happy”, because I was either shortly overwhelmed by its opposite or the “happy” was just too fleeting.
What was happy? Could I allow myself to feel that, truly? Was I allowed to be in that moment, without thought of what could happen next?
“Happy” became what I was scared of.
Happy became “okay right after this, we never know if things might go south from here.” Happy became “should I be feeling this much, am I allowed to?.” Happy became “right, we dip in and dip out. don’t get too attached to this now.”
Happy became a nagging voice at the back of my mind, happy became something I was wary of.
But here was where it all turned around.
I came to this realisation -
That “happy”, despite how fleeting it may be, was completely and genuinely real.
Happy, was honest. And Happy was true.
Happy, gave me a greater sense of purpose and a greater delight for life.
I may not have control over what may happen after happy, or what may happen during or before happy.
But happy, was always worth it.
Because ‘happy’, was real.
The happy tears, the laughing-till-my-sides-ached, the ‘I wish this moment would last forever’ moments, the calm being around the people I loved.
‘Happy.’
‘Happy’, was always worth it, wasn’t it?
